Building Christian Family
by Helen Santoso and James Gerung
Why are we getting married?
The answer to this question is a base why we are dating and it is very important for us to understand why we are getting married. We are going to look into the scripture from Genesis 2 where God created Eve for Adam.
In Genesis 2:18, God said that it is not good for the man to be alone so God will make a helper that is suitable for him. From this passage, we can take some conclusion namely that there is a concept of helping as Godís purpose in marriage.
In Genesis 2:23-24, The scripture said that Öa man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh. From the passage, the phrase that says that there is a meaning of fulfilling each other in the marriage.
From these passage, we learned that the meaning and purpose of marriage in the first place is helping/serving and fulfillment between two individuals, man and woman. But, after the fall of human, we have to admid that the purpose of marriage is abused and shifted from the original purpose. The world view of marriage could be observed from the lyrics of musics, or theme of movies, etc.
So how we can fulfill the original purpose or marriage in our marriage?
For us to apply the purpose in our life is through careful preparation before the marriage or even before dating.
The discussion on this topic is approached using the purpose of helping/serving and fulfilling and we are going to divide the material into 3 time periods.
A. Before dating.
1. The first thing to do is answering the question of "Who Am I ?"
Why are we dating? Dating should be constructed toward a marriage. The purpose of dating is to know the person in his/her strengths or weaknesses and then grow together in community, ministry and their christian characters.
Some aspect that need to be build in dating:
How can we build personal ministry? We begin with ministering in the area that fit with our spiritual gift that will make us more experienced in the area. Later on we will need guidance for our ministry that can comes from the scripture (Bible), more mature christians, and direct teachings of holy spirit (The Myth of Romance, p.85)
How? We need to build communication skills including the skills to problem solving, perceiving others messages, etc.
Why we are getting married? We already answer some aspect of this question in the introduction and now we are getting to discuss it more carefully.
The concept of serving in the introduction is a concept of serving between husband and wife, but after Jesus came to the world and died on the cross for human sins, we, as a christian, are called to serve others , to become light for Christ. There are some aspect in christian marriage:
1. Serving/ Ministry
The picture of the marriage (Eph.5: 22-25):
Marriage represents the relationship between Christ and the church and this could never be represent by a marriage where one is a believer and the other is not.
Marriage itself is a grace from God; it is not only a natural thing for human.
Do we need approval from parents? Is this a criterion for marriage?
The answer from Scripture seems to both yes and no. Parental opposition may well be Godís way of keeping us from a hell on earth and may be a way of telling us to wait.
What if the approval is not forthcoming? Can the marriage be pursued?
Discipleship and dedication to Jesus Christ
sometimes involve a commitment to Him, above the commitment to our parents. If
we are tempted to move apart from parental approval, we must be careful that the
reason for doing so is our dedication to Christ. But as a Christian child, we
still have a responsibility to give honor and respect our parents as long as
they live ( Eph 6:1-3).
Smith, M. Blaine. "Should I Get Married?"
Downers Grove, IL: IntervarsityPress, 1990.
Clair, S. B. & Jones, B. "Dating. Picking (and Being) a Winner"
San Bernandino, CA: Hereís Life Publishers, 1987
McCallum, DeLashmutt. "The Myth of Romance"
Minneapolis, MN: Bethany House Publishers, 1996
McRae, J. William. "Preparing for Your Marriage"
Grand Rapids, MI: The Zondervan Publishing House, 1980
Chapman, G. "Toward a Growing Marriage" Chicago: Moody Bible Institure, 1979
Ward, Ted. "Values Begin at
Home" Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1989
1. What is the difference between Christian
Family and Family at general?